Ten

The month of the girls’ tenth birthday is drawing to a close, and with it the weeks of its celebration, like an Indian wedding. Rhea was thoughtful about the milestone, not greeting her double digit status with enthusiasm. They received three avalanches of presents, covering every possible aspect: entertainment (games, roller blades, a remote control car and a slime and jelly kit); hobby (cameras and one that takes videos during action sport for them to share, and lego); warm jackets; books; and shiny new lunchboxes and a pencil case containing fold out pens, textas, pencils, eraser, and a sharpener and ruler that I would still have felt excited to receive as an adult. Maggie, Peter and Oli hosted a family birthday party just in time for some restrictions to ease to allow it, which included their home-made mandarin muffins, chocolate biscuits and shaved cucumber and chicken ribbon sandwiches and I brought BBQ chips and a jam roly poly iced in chocolate icing making a ‘1’and an ice cream cake forming an ‘0.’

On their birthday itself, we allowed them to take the day off school with us and we met Heidi and her now one-year old Sophia in town for morning tea and a shopping expedition to buy the above slime/jelly and remote control car for them. The girls and Steve roller bladed in the afternoon around the local wetland and then Helen came to visit bringing home-made muffins and a watercolour painting for our wall. For dinner they had their choice of meal: McDonalds, with a $15 Coles pink layer cake covered in pink sprinkles, just the right size for us.

And yesterday was their birthday party, with eight friends, at an indoor venue called Laser Tag. I made my least successful cake yet – using a proper chocolate cake recipe instead of packet-cake-white and undercooking it as well, so it flopped. But it was good enough, tasted good, and the rest of the food was acceptable, and they all had a great time running around enjoying the new round of birthday parties that have started again.

It doesn’t seem ten years since we went to the hospital when I was feeling unwell at thirty-six weeks and emerged into the cold, gray winter with two babies, though not taking them home for more than two weeks. My first unexpected experience was that our premature babies didn’t come home with me. There have been many other surprises over the past ten years of parenthood.

I didn’t anticipate the sheer volume of stuff that babies and young children generate, the stains due to the many accidents on the carpet, the strain that sleep deprivation causes, and the impacts of multiple stress factors that accumulate. I hadn’t thought about how children can press your buttons, spotlight your worst traits and amplify them. But equally I hadn’t imagined the strength of my protective instincts, my strong love for each of the girls, or what lessons of forgiveness and mindfulness I have learnt from them.

Through practice and reflection, I’m learning better active listening to minimize and resolve conflict, which at its root is about each person needing to be and to feel heard. I’m also working on trying to be more patient, coached by Rhea’s frequent refrain of ‘calm down!’ The learnings are two way.

All of this birthday work, combined with long and grinding paid work approaching holiday time, makes me weary at this time of year. I try to restore myself, and anticipate a break to restore myself further, so that I can appreciate the kind, joyful girls who have given us so much.