Mum, can I tell you something?

As is the case for significant international events, I remember where I was the day I first heard about Peppa Pig. It was at the girls’ playgroup. And then, when the girls were approaching five years old and I mentioned to a colleague with a two year old that my girls were still obsessed by it, she said ‘it looks like we’re in for the long haul then.’ Two years later, Santa granted Rhea’s only request of him for Peppa’s School.

Turning to other milestones, both girls can do an airborn summersault with no hands – a skill they didn’t learn at Gymnastics, which due to overwhelming lack of interest they now no longer attend; and both girls have become proficient swimmers. Steve is now heavily involved in gliding, and can fly solo again, and I have a promising new job. I also attended my great aunt’s funeral and met my great uncle, which along with our holiday in Adelaide and Melbourne was one of my year’s highlights, along with discovering the podcasts of Richard Fidler’s Conversations and at December’s end, breaking my fidelity to him to also listen to Leigh Sales and Annabel Crabb’s Chat10Looks3. It has also felt good to stretch my legs in nature and immerse myself in relearning my favourite piano pieces.

In terms of other developments, I’ll let the girls’ words and observations during the year speak for themselves:

Lara: Brr

Rhea: Cool.

Lara: Apparently. . .

Rhea: Pff!

Lara: Seriously?

Rhea: Yikes!

Lara: Whatever.

Rhea: Incoming!

Lara: Cool.

Rhea: Honestly (mum). . .

Lara: Pff!

Rhea: Nifty.

Lara: Yikes!

Rhea: Steady. . . (in the pool)

Lara: Incoming!

Rhea: Oh bother!

Lara: Jesus!

Rhea: Fantastic!

Lara: That’s disgusting!

Rhea: By the way

Lara: What what what?

Rhea: I wouldv’n

Lara: And plus

Rhea: . . . , for example.

Lara: I wouldv’n

Rhea: And plus. . .

Lara: Just pretend. . .

Rhea: Ok fine.

Lara: Finally!

Rhea: This is the worst day ever.

Lara: I’m quite enjoying this music actually.

Rhea: Along the lines of. . .

Lara: Can you move that thingamabob?

Rhea: I reckon I can. . .

Lara: Have a gander at that.

Rhea: I got up with plenty of time.

Lara: Mum, can I tell you something? When you’re 2 you’re half the size of your parent.

Rhea: What’s a porky pie?

Lara: We’re out of here!

Rhea: Mum, on Dinosaur Train. . .

Lara: Can you put the thing in the thingy? (DVD in the DVD player)

Rhea: I decided to do the design in pencil so I could wub it out it I need to.

Lara: Mum, can I tell you something?

Rhea: Why can’t we have. . .

Lara: It’s so not. . .

Rhea: Screen time means watching something, not playing with something on daddy’s phone.

Lara: Along the lines of. . .

Rhea: You’re really not very good at putting on bandaids mum.

Lara: Is it called a silverfish because it’s silver and a fish?

Rhea: I think we should have a cake to celebrate after you don’t have a cold or a runny nose anymore. It could have icing spattered on it.

Lara: How did you know blue was my favourite colour when I was a baby?

Rhea: You don’t have to worry about mouldy food in my lunchbox because I ate all my lunch.

Lara: How old is Santa? Has he been Santa for 60 years?

Rhea: That’s a marvellous view!

Lara: Does the tooth fairy lose her own teeth?

Rhea: Do birds have to go to school? Then why do I?

Lara: Mary-Ann (English teacher) said that mistakes are your friends but they’re not my friends. I don’t play with them at morning tea or lunchtime.

Rhea: Are there bad things in the newspaper too?

Lara: Why is Grandpa so funny?

Rhea: I’m not impressed with Lara’s writing (of her story). It didn’t even cover the page.

Lara: Grandma and Grandpa are always usually having arguments.

Rhea: You’re not following my instructions (about breakfast).

Lara: Is it called newspaper because it’s news and on paper?

Rhea: I’ve been wearing the same undies for 3 days because no-one has put out any new ones for me.

Lara: That’s a weird place to put a car (parked on the footpath when we were trying to ride past).

Rhea: That was like, so fun, I spotted lots of good books (at the book fair).

Lara: I like to put my finger in the hole (in her ear) and pretend it’s a maze with my finger.

Rhea: I seem to have got some blue paint in my hair.

Lara: I wish I could be a vegetarian. I don’t like any sort of meat.

Rhea: (crying) Mummy just whacked me with the hairbrush (accidentally).

Lara: It’s like my teeth is popping with bubbles and my throat is making them.

Rhea: Is it true that you can die if your lips get too dry?

Lara: Mum, on Paw Patrol. . .

Rhea: (when I held her new doll face down while riding my bike) Not like that! It’s her first ride. I want her to see where she’s going.

Lara: Where is that thingamajiggy?

Rhea: Lara gave the rubix cube to Kaiya and I wasn’t OK with that.

Lara: Can I have this for breakfast? (a jube) It’s got fruit in it.

Rhea: Who invented all the words?

Lara: It’s completely bizarre! It’s so dark!

Rhea: (to Lara after Lara got cross at her for reading out the numbers on the fridge magnet with her) I can’t read your mind you know.

Lara: That’s elegant.

Rhea: Can you hold the chair Lara and I’ll clamber up.

Lara: Calamari 2 nights in a row? Seriously?

Rhea: Why does daddy wear the same clothes every day and you wear different clothes?

Lara: You don’t know what I think (Rhea) because you’re not me.

Rhea: Can we go to the North Pole tomorrow?

Lara: (with the hiccups) I’ll hold my breath and then I’ll have a drink of water and if that doesn’t work I’ll stand on my head.

Rhea: What does ‘ache’ mean?

Lara: How do the whales know it’s whale season?

Rhea: I’ve asked you several times already.

Lara: I can’t wear this (crown) to school. It’s not in the school colours.

Rhea: I don’t like English day because it’s so much work. It’s just work work work work work.

Lara: You nearly bumped in to the Toyota mum.

Rhea: Lara was reading after I went to sleep apparently.

Lara: Where did those butterflies go?

Rhea: (after taking a bite of a chocolate muffin we’d bought) I could eat 30 of these in one day!

Lara: (after I explained that there are about 2,000 languages) So does Santa speak all those languages then so he can read the children’s letters?

Rhea: (after I asked how the relief teacher was) She’s old and she shouts. Luther says it’s inappwopwiate to shout at children. She said ‘I’m not shouting. I’m speaking very clearly.’

Lara: Just a tick.

Rhea: You don’t care about me.

Lara: I don’t really like the look of baby bees to be honest.

Rhea: Mummy can I tell you something? Every morning tea or lunch someone rushes over to us and asks if we’re twins. It’s so boring!

Lara: It makes me unhappy when not all of my hair is clipped up.

Rhea: I’m bad at painting a tree.

Lara (to Rhea): Are you doing a toiletty dance?

Rhea: Yay! I love cuddling you mummy.

Lara: Do the technique I told you (on her hair).

Rhea: Lara I’m so sorry, will you forgive me?

Lara: I like that (pattern on my new jumper). It looks like toilet paper.

Rhea: Can I tell you something? If you don’t have a brain you see upside down.

Lara: Fair enough.

Rhea: Oh my God Lara!

Lara: I’m anxious about. . .

Rhea: Did you know that you can’t live without spit? Your mouth would get too dry. It was on Operation Ouch.

Lara: It so does.

Rhea: I think you should apologise to Lara for shouting at her.

Lara: (after Steve had eaten his entrée at the restaurant) That was a quick dinner.

Rhea: (re her ice-cream) It’s not stable!

Lara: Why did Nigel die?

Rhea: What in the world are you doing?

Lara: You sneeze when the dust sticks to your snot.

Rhea: A sprain is when your tendons get twisted, torn or stretched. I apparently hurt my foot.

Lara: Why are there signs saying ‘yes’ everywhere?

Rhea: Will we be grownups when Grandma and Grandpa die?

Lara: What are the options? (about me choosing a top to wear)

Rhea: It’s a wicket! Oh no it isn’t.

Lara: There were loads of people. . .

Rhea: To put the fairy on the top of the Christmas tree, I put the piano stool on that chair and put my little chair on top.

Lara: What does WTF mean?

Rhea: (after I explained what a sympathy card is): Why would you send the person who’s died a card?

Lara: Will we live longer than Kaiya because we’re twins, even though she was born after us? (from the documentary about twins that noted that twins live longer than singletons).

Rhea: It doesn’t matter that she was born after us. You’re a little bit annoying sometimes.

Lara: You’re even more annoying.

Rhea: Why are you cuddling me (Lara)?

Lara: Love you.

Rhea: What does ‘mean’ mean?

Lara: Luther asked that.

Rhea: Where does the Queen live?

Lara: Queensland.

Rhea: Why can’t we have. . .

Lara: Why do you swing your arm when you walk?

Me : I just do. Do you?

Lara: Yes I usually do.

Rhea: We’re out of here!

Lara: How can you tell the difference between us?

Me: Because you look different. How can you?

Lara: Because I know who I am.

Rhea: I have to set the whole table and I hate setting the table because Lara’s gone to do a poo.

(Steve laughs)

Rhea: And nothing’s funny about Lara doing a poo!

Lara: Guess where mummy was born?

Becky: Canberra?

Lara: Ohh! you’re too good!

Rhea: There are some dead ants on your table.

Me: They’re my earrings.

Lara: Can I have a freddo (frog)?

Me: No.

Lara: Fine. When I’ve finished eating my candy cane can I?

Rhea: My candy cane’s gone!

Lara: I’ll get it (rummages around in the back seat).

Rhea: cries.

Lara: You said you wouldn’t do that!

Rhea: I know but I really really really really really really really really want my candy cane!

And on that note of frustration and Christmas indulgence I’ll leave you to your own holiday pleasures, and wish you the best of New Years in 2018.